A principal鈥檚 job tests skills that seldom show up in a training program.
Among them: balancing on the tightrope stretched between the needs of teachers and of parents, particularly when the two parties are at odds.
Lean too far to one side, and you win over parents at the risk of alienating teachers and endangering staff morale. Tip too far to the other, and parents are left unsatisfied鈥攁nd perhaps ready to call the central office for relief.
In an 91制片厂视频 Week survey of principals and teachers, both groups of educators agreed that most principals handle parent complaints well.
But principals have more confidence about their performance in this potentially fraught area than teachers do. Ninety-seven percent of principals said they 鈥渟omewhat鈥� or 鈥渃ompletely鈥� agree that principals can be trusted to handle parent complaints 鈥渋n a fair and even-handed way.鈥� In contrast, 64 percent of teachers agreed somewhat or completely with that statement.
While in the minority, a notable percentage of teachers鈥�27 percent鈥攕aid that they disagreed somewhat or completely that principals handle parent complaints fairly. Meanwhile, only a tiny percentage of principals鈥� 3 percent鈥攕aid they disagreed with that statement.
In the Middle
So just what are principals doing when it comes to mediating parent and teacher conflicts?
School leaders around the country, in large schools and small, repeated some common themes. One of the first things they do is try to make sure that parents hash out any problems with the teacher first. Often, an aggrieved parent鈥檚 first stop is at the principal鈥檚 office, possibly because they want immediate solutions or they fear teacher retaliation against their child, principals say.
鈥淚鈥檝e always felt that my first responsibility is to my teachers. That means, when a parent comes to me, I say, 鈥楬ave you raised this concern with the teachers?鈥� And a lot of times, the answer is no,鈥� said Tim Holland, the head of the upper school at Grace Christian Academy, a 750-student K-12 private school in Knoxville, Tenn. Holland said he reminds parents that if the situation were reversed, 鈥淚 would think you would want the courtesy in having a direct conversation.鈥�
Parents 鈥渢hink it鈥檚 magic, to go directly to my boss and to me,鈥� said Dinnah Escanilla, the principal of Ellen Ochoa STEM Academy at Ben Milam Elementary, a public school of about 750 students in Grand Prairie, Texas.
鈥淢y first reaction is to listen first, because sometimes that鈥檚 all they need, someone to listen to them,鈥� Escanilla said. Then she asks if the parent has shared the problem with the teachers. 鈥淣inety percent of the time, it鈥檚 鈥楴o, ma鈥檃m.鈥� 鈥� Once parents and teachers talk, though, most issues are addressed right away, Escanilla said.
Listening Without Judgment
Principals also stressed the value of hearing parents out, without interruption or defensiveness.
Lori DeFields, the principal of the 650-student Arts Academy at Benjamin Rush in Philadelphia, a high school arts magnet, says she doesn鈥檛 even like to frame parent concerns as 鈥渃omplaints.鈥�
鈥淚 look at it as advocating for their child, and they鈥檙e doing it the best way they know how. I look at it differently, and I ask my staff to look at it differently,鈥� she said.
Patricia Zissios, the principal of the 500-student Lyles-Crouch Traditional Academy in Alexandria, Va., says she has to be adept at handling parents from a variety of backgrounds.
The public school, which once served only black students in the days of legal segregation, now has a vibrant racial and economic mix: children whose parents live in subsidized housing or homeless shelters attend school with the children of white-collar professionals, she said. That leads to a mix of 鈥渉elicopter鈥� parents who expect instant solutions, she said, as well as families who have not traditionally felt respected by school officials and come in 鈥渞eady for battle.鈥�
For both groups, Zissios said, 鈥淚 give them that audience; I give them the time; I let them go through the entire scenario,鈥� she said. And she lets parents know that she understand their concerns.
鈥淚t鈥檚 usually very disarming鈥攅specially when parents are yelling,鈥� Zissios said.
But principals have to be clear in communicating what their intentions are when they step into a parent-teacher conflict, so that there鈥檚 not a misunderstanding by any of the involved parties. A principal鈥檚 efforts to hear a parent out may leave the parent thinking the principal is firmly on their side.
鈥淵our teachers have to feel that the principal has their back. Teaching is stressful enough without having to worry about that as well,鈥� said Kathy Martin, a middle-school math teacher at Wainwright Middle School in Lafayette, Ind.
Timothy Fausnaught, who leads the 600-student Lycoming Valley Intermediate School in Williamsport, Pa., said, 鈥淚 try to give everybody the benefit of the doubt. When you have a parent who is upset with their teacher, eight times out of 10 they鈥檙e upset just because of what the kid said. There hasn鈥檛 been that communication back with the teachers.鈥� So he tells parents 鈥渨e love your kids, we care, and we want to help.鈥�
But, he added, 鈥淚 try to never make promises I can鈥檛 keep.鈥�
If there鈥檚 still conflict, principals say that they try to keep parent-teacher conversations tightly focused on solutions, not aimless griping. And principals also say they aim to keep teachers in the loop, and back them up when warranted.
Doug Enders, the principal of the 380-student Wrightsville Elementary in Wrightsville, Pa., said his district has invested in professional development for school leaders, which has helped him create a structure for potentially contentious meetings. The first goal is to 鈥渞eally come together with a common understanding of what occurred. It just brings down the anxiety level,鈥� he said. Enders added he often asks parents and teachers to repeat back their understanding of what is being discussed鈥攋ust to make sure that everyone is on the same page.
鈥淚n all of those meetings, I take the lead. I meet with the teachers to let them know I鈥檓 going to do most of the talking on behalf of the school,鈥� said Chris Wolski, who leads McIntosh County Academy, a public high school of nearly 400 students in Darien, Ga. 鈥淎nd I make sure the teacher understands we鈥檙e not going to interrupt that parent until they鈥檙e done.鈥�
And principals also say they try to return to their teachers after meetings, just to make sure the classroom issue is truly resolved. 鈥淚 ask them, 鈥楬ow do you feel, do you feel supported, do you not?鈥� 鈥� Wolski said.
Leading Change
Sometimes that resolution can mean changing some school policy or practices.
DeDe Lacy, the principal of McLaughlin Strickland Elementary, a 620-student school in Farmers Branch, Texas, said she tells teachers that 鈥淚鈥檓 always going to stand up for you, unless we鈥檙e in the wrong. Then I鈥檒l take part of the blame.鈥�
She mentioned a recent playground incident 鈥渢hat was totally on us. We have to be a little bit better with monitoring.鈥� The team didn鈥檛 like that, she acknowledged, but 鈥渨e鈥檙e always looking at how to get better ourselves.鈥�
One important piece of advice from principals is to work on creating a positive impression of one鈥檚 schools, before complaints or concerns even arise. Enders, the elementary principal in Wrightsville, Pa., said he absorbed the advice given in the book Hacking 91制片厂视频, written by district superintendents Joe Sanfelippo and Tony Sinanis.
鈥淚f you鈥檙e not creating the narrative for your school, others are going to fill that narrative for you, and you鈥檙e not going to like it,鈥� Enders said. So he makes it his business to show the community the positive elements of his school using all the tools at his disposal, including social media.
鈥淲hen there is a disagreement or problems, we鈥檝e earned a little bit of a bank of trust or leniency,鈥� Enders said.
But there can be times when you just have to grow a thick skin, said Brian Perry, the principal of Stalker Elementary, a school of about 200 students in Bedford, Ind.
鈥淯nfortunately, when it comes to disagreements between parents and teachers, sometimes there is no middle ground. If you鈥檙e really trying to do what鈥檚 best for the kid and for the school, sometimes you鈥檙e going to make a decision where others are going to be unhappy,鈥� he said.
Helping Principals Communicate
Jennifer White, a 2nd-grade teacher at Stephens Elementary in Little Rock, Ark., said she appreciates principals who forcefully stand up for her. And it鈥檚 also important to be physically present in the school, defusing conflicts before they build, she said.
Principals 鈥渟et the tone for the school,鈥� White said. 鈥淚f you鈥檙e slacking as a principal, the teachers will say, 鈥榃hy should I care?鈥� 鈥�
Principals acknowledge that they get little formal training on handling these situations; they鈥檝e picked up their skills from watching other school leaders in action, or by tapping the expertise of trusted mentors.
But some organizations help principals develop these crucial skills. The New York City 91制片厂视频 Academy, which trains aspiring principals, records videos of would-be leaders responding to an angry parent. The 鈥減arent鈥� is portrayed by an educational professional associated with the program, but the complaints鈥攃oncerns about bullying or a child鈥檚 grade, for example鈥攁re all too realistic.
The principals-in-training then review the video, to see if their interactions match up with their intent.
Corinne Vinal, a graduate of the academy鈥檚 first cohort and now a leadership facilitator, said that her video showed her communication was good, but her body language, like constantly nodding her head, made her words come across like they were fake.
鈥淎 principal has to navigate that conversation in a way that鈥檚 respectful to the parent, listening and at the same time knowing they will have to speak to the teacher alone first, before bringing these people together,鈥� Vinal said.
It鈥檚 not easy work, but it鈥檚 essential, said Sonia Bu, a coach-facilitator at the New York training academy.
鈥淒uring your first days of school you articulate your vision and how you鈥檙e going to deal with breakdowns and conflicts,鈥� Bu said. 鈥淥ne particular principal used to say, 鈥業f we are here for students first, I may do things that鈥攁t the moment鈥攜ou may feel that you would not like me to do as an adult. But at the end of the day,鈥� Bu recounted, 鈥榳e鈥檙e both here for the student.鈥欌��
